Dear Kobe

Dear Kobe,

Like many others, i came to know of the news on my way back from Pondy to Bangalore. The journey was bad, the news made it worse.
I reached home at 430 and was consuming the news and processing it all.
For an hour, i was in disbelief. I was hoping for a scam report and your magical emergence.
Then,  the stage of disbelief left and i swallowed the reality and tossed and turned for hours instead of catching some sleep.
I was in a shocked stage and for the first time in my life, was i having a lump in my throat in telling a colleague about your sudden demise and accident.  I never felt that with anyone else.  The loss of my mother is the only other death that tears me up. Yours was second.
Frankly,  i didn't know you well enough growing up. I was a huge MJ fan as any pre 90's kid. I understood his airness only later on,  but the naive and heartfelt admiration existed even then.
I fell in love with sports but more focused in basketball a little later in my school and college days.
I was a Lakers fan but i knew it was because a lot of other of my friends were too. I never felt a strong connection. Having a team to root for,  an American team that i knew very little about, a team whose players i knew very little about, and a sports that i loved to play,  but never so much to watch and follow.
I remember that on a particular game during my college days, someone called me Kobe. I had similar hair, a flair and style that person felt resembling yours.
I felt so great and inspired. I heard of you,  but never analysed you or watched your plays before until that day.
I finished college but yet never followed basketball with the passion and rigor others did so i felt my love for this sport was superficial. And i kept saying to myself that some people love to watch,  others to play.  I was the latter.
I joined a basketball group and i started playing almost every weekend.
That group and play changed my life. I had to ride 25 kms to play for 2 hours. And we'd play till we couldn't stand. A passionate bunch of ballers and its through that group that i came to know of your departure.
That 2 hours of sweat and fun made me forget all the politics of work, my shaky relationship with my wife, my unplanned professional life and everything that was going wrong in me and around me.
Those 2 hours were my island of peace and calm. That court that took out the best of me and my sportsmanship made me forget all my worries and rejuvenated me and inspired me to face the day and the week to come. It cleared my mind.
It also was the only exercise i was interested and focussed on doing the whole week.

But in those couple of years, i saw more of you. The way you lead the Lakers to your 5th ring. That mini videos of the finals series was a thing of beauty. I fell in love with you then, and shared an inexplicable bond thereon.

I cant say i'm a fan (i dont remember important stats of your career), i didn't see your every game. Or buy your merchandise nor observed your style of play or anything. But i felt a connection with you.
I was mesmerised by your relentless commitment to the game. The way you gave it your whole without asking anything in return. You pushed others to their greatness and i saw you not just as a basketball player but as a life mentor. I would read articles about you, people talking about you and something in me would just want to get up and finish that work i've been putting off. That drive was transferred almost instantaneously. It was like listening to some hip hop before a workout. A motivation that i could never really explain or wanted to.

I didn't even buy your book, downloaded it for free but the content stirred me up. Like I said, not a true fan, but some connection that was real.

That 26th morning, when i was telling my wife about you and how disturbed i was, for the first time did she tell me to not worry and take care. She never saw me in this state for someone's death where there was really no connection. I felt in that moment what LA was going through. What your mates and most importantly your family is going through. Prayers for them as not only have they lost you but their youngest sis and daughter. I cant imagine their mental state of mind.

Then I saw the amazing way that the NBA paid their tribute to you and I felt soooo good. An amazingly simple thought and action that was embraced by all and implemented with such speed. It only reflects the impact you've had on this game, on those people and in LA.

I shared a tweet about that lady who gave away blue and gold flowers for free to a guy cuz it was LA.

That day, i worked harder. And that to me is the impact you've had on people. Instead of stopping the game and mourning, the fitting tribute was to remember you but play harder. As they say, the show must go on.

I've loved your short videos, your fun yet educative breakdown of plays and players and that tear jerking yet amazingly heartfelt, authentic tribute to basketball short film.

I was consuming so much of you and had so much of you inside of me that i didn't know i had or ever felt until the moment you were gone.

This moment will be etched in my life forever. A day i will fondly recall to having a magical bond i didn't know existed or can explain. It's a void i like to keep as it makes me want to do better everyday.

I miss you and you'll be remembered for good.

As i wrote before on Twitter, it isn't Mamba Out just yet Kobe. You may have left the court  and this world but never our hearts.

Love,

Ravi