EMPTINESS
I stared at the clock. I watched its every minute and every second. I stared at it until all the noises around me were suddenly put on mute and the only deafening noise was that of the seconds ticking its way into the future.
The doctor had told me to wait till 9 pm. It was 7:30 pm and every second was driving me crazy is some very strange way. I could feel my heart beating and realized that it was marching with the beats of the clock’s seconds. I took deep breaths. Paused. Let it all out. Paused. Began to feel my pulse again. No difference.
I continued to stare at the clock. I don’t know what I was thinking or whether I was thinking at all. My eyes were glued to the clock. My senses were glued to the clock. My life was glued to the clock.
A mosquito suddenly buzzed by and made me shrug my shoulders and blink. When I opened my eyes, like metal to magnet, they went straight to the clock. The second seemed to take a step back before proceeding its untiring rhythmic march into the future.
There was nothing beautiful about the clock. It was round, yellow, didn’t display neither the dates nor the days (like all boring clocks). But the worst thing was – it was the only thing my mind seemed attracted to and I was in no mood to question its sudden passion to uninteresting unattractive things.
I continued to stare at it – oblivious to the pulsating world around me. A world that was throbbing with life – emanating energy. Air that rejuvenated you. I felt, heard, smelt nothing. Didn’t I want to? Maybe…
Unknowingly, after some time, I began to play some strange game. I would take a deep breath, hold it for a minute and a half, heave it all out in 15 seconds, wait for 2 minutes exactly, giving my mind and heart time to catch some breath. And then, begin all over again. I don’t know how many times I did this, but I remember I stopped after a long tired yawn.
I looked all around me. The room was tidy. Two beds neatly arranged. A newspaper folded and kept on the table between the two beds. A jug of water and a glass sat on the table along with a white phone. There was no life in the room I realized. And I found this very ironic. Here I was, in a hospital, waiting for a doctor to tell me whether my mom would survive till 9 or not, and I felt no Life around me. Wasn’t this a place to save lives? Were they always running away from here? I stared back at the clock and pondered. What a strange piece of mechanism this was.
Here was a machine that defined time! A machine that beholds the future. A machine, which for now, held my mother’s life. How could man, with all his great knowledge, create an instrument to tell time? What a paradox. A definite to define the Indefinite!
I stared at the clock more profoundly, and suddenly, as though come alive, the second stopped as though to catch some breath and the hour and minute hands grew in size. I just watched dumb founded – and realized that I was seeing four pairs of hands. Just then, a signal was sent to my mind and I blinked. I saw the time - it was 8:53 pm.
Seven minutes more. I shifted my attention to the phone. “I’ll call you”, the doc had said. I poured myself a glass of water, gulped it down, went to the washroom, washed my face and came back and sat on the chair.
Invariably, my eyes fell on the clock again. I was 8:57 pm. The seconds were taking hours to move – or so I felt. I no more heard my heart beats. I felt pin drop silence all around me. My mind went blank, and my eyes stared at the clock in disbelief. It refused to work! The seconds, which sometime ago was marching steadily into time, suddenly lay still. I felt emptiness in and around me, and before I could think anything, I was shaken with the ringing of the phone.
“Sorry friend”, a voice said, “we tried, we really did. But we would have to pronounce her dead.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard, and stranger still, couldn’t believe what I just saw. I, her son, was waiting for a doctor’s call, but a lifeless clock stopped at the very moment my mom’s heart stopped beating. How could that be? Why? Was it mocking me?
I stared at it. Confused. Perplexed. Empty.
I blinked. A spontaneous, instinctive blink. I glanced at the dead clock and strangely – it seemed different now. I no more so it as a machine. No more saw it as a lifeless piece of mechanism that tried to tell the time. But saw it as a living thing. A living thing whose soul purpose was to live with my mom. As though his life was in her.
I closed my eyes. The situation was making me dizzy. Suddenly, something flashed in front of me that brought a smile on my confused face: EACH TO HIS TIME.
The doctor had told me to wait till 9 pm. It was 7:30 pm and every second was driving me crazy is some very strange way. I could feel my heart beating and realized that it was marching with the beats of the clock’s seconds. I took deep breaths. Paused. Let it all out. Paused. Began to feel my pulse again. No difference.
I continued to stare at the clock. I don’t know what I was thinking or whether I was thinking at all. My eyes were glued to the clock. My senses were glued to the clock. My life was glued to the clock.
A mosquito suddenly buzzed by and made me shrug my shoulders and blink. When I opened my eyes, like metal to magnet, they went straight to the clock. The second seemed to take a step back before proceeding its untiring rhythmic march into the future.
There was nothing beautiful about the clock. It was round, yellow, didn’t display neither the dates nor the days (like all boring clocks). But the worst thing was – it was the only thing my mind seemed attracted to and I was in no mood to question its sudden passion to uninteresting unattractive things.
I continued to stare at it – oblivious to the pulsating world around me. A world that was throbbing with life – emanating energy. Air that rejuvenated you. I felt, heard, smelt nothing. Didn’t I want to? Maybe…
Unknowingly, after some time, I began to play some strange game. I would take a deep breath, hold it for a minute and a half, heave it all out in 15 seconds, wait for 2 minutes exactly, giving my mind and heart time to catch some breath. And then, begin all over again. I don’t know how many times I did this, but I remember I stopped after a long tired yawn.
I looked all around me. The room was tidy. Two beds neatly arranged. A newspaper folded and kept on the table between the two beds. A jug of water and a glass sat on the table along with a white phone. There was no life in the room I realized. And I found this very ironic. Here I was, in a hospital, waiting for a doctor to tell me whether my mom would survive till 9 or not, and I felt no Life around me. Wasn’t this a place to save lives? Were they always running away from here? I stared back at the clock and pondered. What a strange piece of mechanism this was.
Here was a machine that defined time! A machine that beholds the future. A machine, which for now, held my mother’s life. How could man, with all his great knowledge, create an instrument to tell time? What a paradox. A definite to define the Indefinite!
I stared at the clock more profoundly, and suddenly, as though come alive, the second stopped as though to catch some breath and the hour and minute hands grew in size. I just watched dumb founded – and realized that I was seeing four pairs of hands. Just then, a signal was sent to my mind and I blinked. I saw the time - it was 8:53 pm.
Seven minutes more. I shifted my attention to the phone. “I’ll call you”, the doc had said. I poured myself a glass of water, gulped it down, went to the washroom, washed my face and came back and sat on the chair.
Invariably, my eyes fell on the clock again. I was 8:57 pm. The seconds were taking hours to move – or so I felt. I no more heard my heart beats. I felt pin drop silence all around me. My mind went blank, and my eyes stared at the clock in disbelief. It refused to work! The seconds, which sometime ago was marching steadily into time, suddenly lay still. I felt emptiness in and around me, and before I could think anything, I was shaken with the ringing of the phone.
“Sorry friend”, a voice said, “we tried, we really did. But we would have to pronounce her dead.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard, and stranger still, couldn’t believe what I just saw. I, her son, was waiting for a doctor’s call, but a lifeless clock stopped at the very moment my mom’s heart stopped beating. How could that be? Why? Was it mocking me?
I stared at it. Confused. Perplexed. Empty.
I blinked. A spontaneous, instinctive blink. I glanced at the dead clock and strangely – it seemed different now. I no more so it as a machine. No more saw it as a lifeless piece of mechanism that tried to tell the time. But saw it as a living thing. A living thing whose soul purpose was to live with my mom. As though his life was in her.
I closed my eyes. The situation was making me dizzy. Suddenly, something flashed in front of me that brought a smile on my confused face: EACH TO HIS TIME.
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